


Cover Me In Snow

by ninitails



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bittersweet, Christmas Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slice of Life, end me, that's not how it was supposed to end, what the fuck even happened here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21921529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninitails/pseuds/ninitails
Summary: It's been a while since Sehun discovered that he has feelings for his best friend, but out of fear of ruining their precious friendship, he refuses to confess and face the consequences of the confession, be it good or bad.Jongin, although unknowingly, backs both of them into a corner.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 58





	Cover Me In Snow

Sehun had no idea how he had ended up in a situation like that. They were supposed to meet up in the coffee shop near Jongin’s house and discuss what kind of Christmas presents would be the best to send to Jongin’s parents who were currently living abroad, but somehow the discussion had taken a turn in a completely different direction.

Well, not that far from Christmas, but still.

“You want to do what?” He asked again, not being able to believe his ears.

Jongin put down his coffee, fingers tapping against the wooden table nervously.

“Look, I’m not forcing you. If you don’t want to, just say so.” 

There was a hint of a smile on his face, although it looked kind of bitter and perhaps a little sad.

“No, I want to. I was just surprised,” Sehun let out a laugh and reached up to run his fingers through his brown hair as if that would help him calm down. It did prevent Jongin from noticing that Sehun’s fingers were trembling ever so slightly.

The sad smile that was previously gracing Jongin’s facial features soon turned into a genuinely happy one.

“So, you’re willing to do all the things that couples do on Christmas with me? Like making snow angels and sipping hot chocolate and watching sappy movies under a pile of blankets?”

“Yeah. It sounds really fun.”

His eyes were nearly glowing with excitement, how could Sehun ever say no to that?

Maybe, just maybe, his own feelings had played their part in making the final decision. See, Jongin might think of them as best friends since they had been by each other’s side since early middle school, but for Sehun, Jongin was a little bit more than just a loyal best friend.

It had been a while since he realized that he had feelings for his friend, but the fear of destroying the friendship they had built was too strong for Sehun to ever say anything about his crush. After many sleepless nights, he had decided that he’d rather keep his mouth shut about it than watch the possibility of rejection tear them apart.

It was hard at first, but slowly, Sehun had learned how to cope. Jongin was often touchy and occasionally talked about things in such a way that Sehun was almost convinced that the feeling was mutual. But somewhere along the lines, the words “we’re best friends” would come out and Sehun would get rid of any blooming hopes before his heart could break into a million pieces.

This idea of them acting as a couple without actually being one was weird in Sehun’s head. Or rather, he couldn’t quite wrap his head around it. It was obvious that it would affect him, maybe even both of them, and Sehun’s anxiety mainly stemmed from the fact that this whole experience could either make them or break them. Or perhaps, nothing would change at all.

Absentmindedly, Sehun heaved a sigh as he watched the snowflakes dancing behind the window of the coffee shop. He wasn’t sure if Jongin’s idea was a blessing or a curse.

Sehun was in the middle of his breakfast with the company of some silly cartoon on the TV when his phone alerted him about a new text message. He was thinking of ignoring it for now, but the phone kept vibrating against the table, clearly being flooded with more new messages.

Leaning away from the bowl of cereal, Sehun reached for his phone to see who was so keen on interrupting his morning routine on a much-needed day off.

He wasn’t surprised to see Jongin’s name at the top of the screen. For some reason, the idiot had decided to send all of his ideas about what to do on Christmas as separate messages, taking up the entire screen of the chatroom.

Skipping through the messages, Sehun hummed at some suggestions that seemed more interesting than the others and then stopped at the last question. Jongin was asking him if Sehun wanted to stay at his place during the holidays, which meant that they would be spending most of their time together, by each other’s side.

Sehun wasn’t against sleepovers, but the fact that he would be sleeping in the same house or even room as Jongin made him even more anxious about the whole thing.

He typed back a quick ‘I’ll think about it’ before he got another question from Jongin. This time he was asking when they were going to meet up. A huge part of Sehun wanted to reply ‘right now’, but a more responsible part of Sehun knew that he still had a week before his workplace would close down for the Christmas holidays.

With a heavy heart that was too impatient for his own good, Sehun messaged Jongin the exact date when he would be free until after the New Year’s Eve; plenty of time to come up with many activities and experience them together.

His phone vibrated in his hand again and once Sehun read the message, he picked up his eyes, finding himself quite speechless when the words had sunk in.

Jongin was willing to make sure that they would be free at the same time, because he had been saving up his annual leave days for that exact purpose.

The thought alone set free a bunch of butterflies in Sehun’s stomach, which he immediately tried to drown with a spoonful of cereal. Needless to say, it wasn’t helping at all. Despite the seemingly calm face, Sehun’s heart rate was completely out of control.

The week passed faster than expected, especially since Sehun was too busy to even look at the time. He was working for one of those online stores where people would order various items online and he would be in charge of wrapping them in durable packages before they get delivered straight to people's houses across the country. A bunch of items needed to be wrapped in fancier packaging due to the Christmas season and the number of orders they needed to send out each day had tripled before the holidays. It wasn’t unusual though, considering that most of their loyal customers knew that the store would be closing down for Christmas, so everyone was rushing to get their presents and other items delivered before that.

When Jongdae, Sehun’s loud co-worker, tapped his shoulder to tell him that the working hours were finally over and they were allowed to go home and not come back until the next year, Sehun felt his knees nearly give out underneath him. It seemed like he had been waiting for that moment all his life, even though he had made plans with Jongin only a few weeks ago.

The drive to Jongin’s house would’ve been a major pain in the ass if Sehun didn’t get a call from his mother whom he hadn’t spoken to for quite a while. They rarely had time to meet up because Sehun was mostly busy with work, entertaining Jongin or he just wanted to take a break from any kind of social activity in his free time, so holidays were the only time when the family came together. Not this time though. And Sehun didn’t really know how to tell her that.

“I’m doing fine, mom. You don’t need to worry so much about me.”

Despite the reassurance, she still insisted on pestering Sehun with questions like ‘are you eating well?’ and ‘is the house clean?’ and ‘do you want me to come over and help you tidy up?’ which weren’t exactly annoying, but Sehun wasn’t even doing that bad on his own to cause such worries in the first place.

“Geez, you baby me too much,” he heaved a sigh while turning his vehicle around the corner and into the parking lot near Jongin’s house. “Mom, I love you, but I have to go. I just wanted to ask if it’s alright for me to spend Christmas with someone else this year? You and dad have each other, you’ll be fine, right?”

There was a pause on the other side which was soon followed by overly excited laughter. It didn’t take Sehun too long to realize what his mother must’ve thought about that.

“Mom, no. It’s not a girlfriend—I just promised Jongin. You remember Jongin, right? My best friend. I’m spending this Christmas with him.”

Her excitement didn’t fade one bit and her tone remained the same as she spoke, reassuring Sehun that it was totally fine for him to be away from his family as long as he came to visit on some other occasion.

She continued to talk for a little bit, but Sehun wasn’t really listening anymore. Humming along to her words occasionally, he just waited for her to finish her rant, so he could get out of the car and see that one person that he had been dying to see again.

“So, I was wondering whether to get a real Christmas tree or just go with a fake one because it’s less of a mess, but in the end, I decided that nothing embodies the true Christmas spirit better than the smell of the real thing,” Jongin explained as he led Sehun into the messy living room, the carpet nearly hidden under a layer of various decorations, leaving almost no space for either of them to place their feet as they made their way to the tree in the far corner. It was huge, but Jongin was right; it smelled nice and that alone was enough to put a smile on Sehun’s face.

“You want me to help you decide on the decorations?” Sehun asked when he finally found a spot to sit on, the armrest of the couch being just close enough to the main attraction in the room now.

“Yes.” Jongin picked up two baubles – one red and one golden – before gesturing towards the tree. “I was thinking of these colors, they’re rich and nice, maybe mix in some pastel turquoise or something.”

One thing was for sure. Jongin knew a lot of things, but he wasn’t doing well when it came to finding fitting colors and patterns. He would always find a good fit and ruin it with something extra.

For example, Sehun and Jongin. The perfect combination, ruined by the label of friends.

“Mm, no. No turquoise, just those two. Otherwise it’s gonna look too messy when it comes to colors. You can either go all out and put all the different colors on the Christmas tree or pick an aesthetic and go with it. I like the red and gold. The only color that could possibly fit that aesthetic is white.”

Lovers.

It was hard not to be blinded by Jongin’s wide smile that appeared on his face after Sehun’s simple explanation.

Jongin might’ve been working in the marketing department of a publishing company for a year, but it was Sehun who often supplied him with new ideas whenever his best friend found himself in a pinch with the announcement of a new project.

“You’re too good at this. I’m glad I chose you to be my Christmas partner.”

Those words should’ve been a compliment, but they stung a little at the same time. Sehun was once again reminded that he had been Jongin’s first choice only because of his best friend status and not because Jongin actually had some kind of feelings towards him that he wanted to dive deeper into during the Christmas season.

“I’m glad about that too,” he managed to smile in return, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. It went unnoticed by Jongin.

Silence settled between them briefly as they picked up the golden and red baubles from the floor, hanging them up on the tree branches and making sure that not a single part of the tree looked empty. Garlands and lights followed right after and when Jongin nudged Sehun in the ribs, the other nearly jumped away in surprise. He thought that might’ve been an accident, but when he looked at Jongin, he found the male staring at him with what seemed like worry on his face.

“I remember you once told me that you’re into boys,” Jongin spoke up and Sehun felt his heart stop. “I remember how hard it was for you to come out and how you thought I’d be all weird about it, but I wasn’t. And it made you happy.”

The lump in his throat was extremely hard to swallow.

“What about it?” Sehun felt the need to ask when Jongin didn’t continue. He could already come up with a million reasons as to why Jongin had decided to bring that up all of a sudden.

“Nothing, I just…” With a hand frozen mid-air, Jongin redirected his eyes to face the Christmas tree instead. “I figured you’d end up dating someone and then we’d barely get to spend time together, but… That never happened. You’re still here, always by my side.”

There was a part of Sehun that wanted to believe that Jongin had finally figured out the truth. In that case, he wouldn’t have to say it out loud and perhaps then he could brush it off as a joke if Jongin ended up rejecting him. But another part of Sehun was begging the universe not to work this out just yet and keep Jongin in the dark for a little bit longer. Sehun wasn’t ready to lose him.

“I never really looked for anyone,” he finally mumbled under his breath, playing with the garland between his fingers, his eyes glued to the decoration.

Jongin wasn’t satisfied with that answer.

“You’re so handsome and well-mannered too. I know that girls try to flirt with you a lot and you always turn them down, but there must’ve been guys who tried to get your attention too,” Jongin insisted as he tugged the garland out of Sehun’s hands, pulling his attention to himself as well.

They stared at each other for a while. Sehun tried to decide whether he should come up with a lie or risk telling the truth while Jongin looked like he was counting Sehun’s eyelashes one by one. He probably wasn’t.

“I mean, if it’s too personal…” Jongin heaved a sigh and that only meant that Sehun was off the hook this time. “If it’s too personal, you don’t have to tell me. But you know I’m always here to hear you out and give advice?”

The serious atmosphere disappeared quickly like it was never there to begin with. A simple chuckle slipped past Sehun’s lips and he hurriedly held his hand up to cover his mouth.

“You had one girlfriend back in high school. How can you offer me love advice?”

Jongin pursed his lips, quite unhappy about being teased like that, but Sehun just couldn’t help it. Despite the facial expression, Jongin didn’t complain about the remark at all.

“If anyone ever falls in love with me and I end up feeling the same about them, you’ll be the first one to know, I can promise you that,” he reassured Jongin with a firm pat on his shoulder and that seemed to be enough for Jongin’s smile to return.

“Promise?”

If, by some miracle, the universe would decide to bless Sehun with a positive answer once the confession came out, Jongin, by default, would be the first one to know about it. Sehun wasn’t sure whether he would ever feel the same way about anyone else. Years had passed by and nothing had changed. If anything, those feelings had only grown.

“Promise.”

Feeling a little playful now, Sehun reached out to snatch away the golden star before Jongin could put his hands on it, earning a small whine from the other.

“I’m taller than you now. I think it’s only fair for me to put the star on top of the tree now.”

“When did our heights become the determining factor in this?”

Shifting rather slowly, Jongin attempted to punch Sehun’s side gently, but Sehun moved away faster than he could reach him. With no more complaints coming from Jongin, Sehun secured the star on top of the tree which stood just a little bit taller than him.

“I like that,” he hummed as they stared up at their creation.

“Wait.”

Sehun watched curiously as Jongin made his way across the room to turn off the lights. Everything was soon engulfed in darkness for a mere minute before the Christmas lights went on and Sehun found Jongin’s delighted gaze fixed on him. He could easily get lost in those eyes. Especially when the flickering lights from the nearby Christmas tree were reflected in them.

“Beautiful,” he mumbled under his breath and watched Jongin nod in agreement.

“Yeah, you were right. Red and gold looks amazing. Turquoise would’ve ruined it.”

Sehun could never confess that when he said that, he actually had Jongin’s eyes in mind and not the decorations or the Christmas tree.

It was also a good thing that they had decided to abandon the lights out scenario in the living room before things went south. One more minute spent in the suggestive lack of light and there might have been a lack of space between their bodies too.

“Did you come up with any ideas other than the ones that you texted me a few weeks ago?” Sehun asked out when they were sitting in the kitchen comfortably, hands wrapped around their warm mugs, waiting for the homemade coffee to cool off before they could drink it. “And if you suggest something like visiting an orphanage to donate our old toys, I will actually knee you in the dick.”

Jongin let out a laugh while shaking his head in response. “Don’t worry about that. My parents got rid of my toys a long time ago—but what’s wrong with visiting an orphanage? I’ve never seen you dislike something so much.”

“Because of my mom,” Sehun rolled his eyes. “I don’t know if you’ve heard about the movie called “The Princess Switch”, but my mom watched that last year before Christmas at least three times and then insisted on giving away all of my toys to an orphanage just because the main characters in the movie had done so.”

If the raised eyebrow wasn’t a clear sign of Jongin’s confusion, then the head tilt definitely was. “So? There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Sehun pressed his lips into a thin line, staring straight at Jongin’s face as if waiting for his best friend to figure it out himself. But it was becoming clear that Jongin just couldn’t remember it.

“Because delivering it normally would’ve been too boring and she didn’t want to do it herself—”

“—She forced you into that Santa costume that was way too big on you!” Jongin finished Sehun’s sentence once his memory had finally cleared up. Of course, Sehun had complained about that for three days straight last year. It was rather funny—for Jongin, that is.

“Right,” Sehun nodded before taking a sip of his coffee. “I have no more toys to donate and I don’t want to dress up as a Santa anymore. I’m willing to go around telling people that I’ve been a bad boy all year to escape that.”

That seemed to have sparked Jongin’s amusement.

“A bad boy, huh?” He hummed thoughtfully, drumming his fingers against the table. The sound almost matched Sehun’s increasing heartrate because Jongin often came up with the weirdest questions. But it turned out that Jongin had nothing to ask this time. Instead, he had come up with quite a wonderful idea. “What do you think about ice skating?”

“Oh, I’m quite clumsy on the ice, but I love it.” Sehun’s reply was instantaneous. “What about you?”

“It’s been ages since I last skated. I don’t recall either hating or loving it. I guess it was a neutral experience for me. Maybe it would become better if I try it again with you.”

Jongin was just the best when it came to making Sehun’s heart flutter. Was he flirting naturally? Sehun couldn’t quite figure it out.

“We need to do some shopping if I’m staying at your place.” Sehun figured talking about something else was the best course of action. “I bet your fridge is empty as always. You eat take out way too often, Jongin.”

“Yeah, yeah. No need to scold me. You’re lucky that your mother taught you how to cook before she forced you to move out. My parents never did that for me.”

The words were bitter, but Jongin’s tone was surprisingly playful. Many years had passed since Jongin’s parents had decided to pack their things and move to live in America without taking their son with them. He had probably accepted the reality and let go of all the hate that he once had towards them. After all, he was still willing to send them Christmas presents even though he never got anything back. Not even a letter. Sehun figured the fight must’ve been pretty bad between them.

“I told you that I can teach you how to cook.” Deciding to play along, Sehun chose a playful tone as well. “Will you finally let me?”

“Mm, no.”

“Why not?”

“Because then I won’t be able to ask you to cook for me when I’m too broke for take out.”

Opening his mouth and soon closing it again, Sehun realized that there was no way for him to win this argument. Not when Jongin had that victorious grin on his face already. And he had to admit, even though he wasn’t an advanced cook himself, Sehun loved putting together simple meals for his best friend from time to time.

“Alright, fine,” he finally gave in. “But we still have to go shopping and while we’re out, we can look at the Christmas lights around the city. Most of them are already up, I’m sure.”

Without waiting for a reply, Sehun pulled his car keys out of his pocket and tossed them towards Jongin, nodding proudly when the other caught them with ease.

“And you’re driving, lazy ass.”

The next few hours were spent in the small space of Sehun’s car while they drove around the city to look at the fancy lights adorning most of the main streets, but not before they were finished with shopping. It was relaxing to spend time with Jongin like that. Sehun didn’t even realize how much he had missed him. It was probably a sign that he needed to stop agreeing to work overtime so often. The extra money was nice, but Sehun was slowly realizing that getting paid more wasn’t making him as happy as Jongin’s presence did.

On their way home, Jongin insisted on making snow angels and, despite Sehun’s complaints about Jongin’s choice of clothing for the day, they ended up rolling in the snow while laughing loudly until both of them were shivering from the cold. There wasn’t a lot of snow before Christmas, but they were still satisfied with their weirdly shaped snow angels that they left in the park not too far away from Jongin’s house.

After all that, it was only natural that they would end up under a pile of blankets in an attempt to regain the warmth that they had lost outside. And while Sehun tried to keep his distance, Jongin didn’t care about it at all. He kept huddling closer and closer until he was basically sprawled across Sehun’s lap. They had picked some Christmas movies to watch, but Sehun had been so distracted by the close proximity between them that he wouldn’t be able to retell the plot even if it cost him his life.

“Jongin,” he whined when the second movie was coming to an end and his legs were starting to feel numb under Jongin’s weight. “We’re such idiots. We forgot the cocoa and marshmallows.”

However, there was no reply.

Leaning forward a bit, Sehun caught a glimpse of Jongin’s sleeping face and slumped his shoulders in defeat. All of a sudden, being stuck by Jongin’s side had a whole new meaning.

With the movie ending, the room was soon lit up only by the list of various names on a black screen. This was like a perfect chance for Sehun to do something that he normally wouldn’t dare to do.

A finger gently prodded at Jongin’s cheek as if to check whether he was really asleep. When there was no response, Sehun allowed himself to brush his fingertips along the soft skin until his thumb was positioned right below Jongin’s bottom lip.

Such a beautiful curve. Would Jongin be able to feel it if Sehun stole a kiss from him? There was only one way to find out.

Heartbeat drumming against his chest, Sehun leaned down halfway, hesitating for just a moment. If Jongin was only pretending to be asleep, this could change their lives entirely. But he decided to take the risk, carefully brushing his lips against Jongin’s for a chaste kiss, so soft that he barely felt the contact himself, but his chest had exploded into a million butterflies that were making him tingle all over.

The screen flashed white once the credits were done rolling and the sudden change in lighting had Sehun reeling away from Jongin, his surprise growing bigger when he saw Jongin opening his eyes and squinting at the bright screen.

Was he really awake all this time?

Sehun didn’t realize he was frozen on the spot until he heard Jongin’s sleepy voice break the silence.

“Oh, the movie’s over?”

Another beat of silence took over them when Sehun couldn’t find it in himself to respond to the question. In the meanwhile, Jongin turned back to look at Sehun, head still resting in his lap. “Are you okay? You were leaning over me.”

Shit.

It was nearly impossible to find out if Jongin had actually felt the kiss and was pretending not to know about it. Obviously, Sehun wouldn’t be able to ask about that. He didn’t have an excuse for what he did either.

Thanks to his hand resting near his stomach, an idea had suddenly popped into Sehun’s head.

“Ah—yeah,” he added an eyebrow scrunch to make it seem more realistic. “Stomachache. I wanted to ask you to move a little bit or at least let me adjust, but you were asleep.”

“Oh, sorry. You should’ve just pushed me off,” Jongin laughed in embarrassment before quickly moving away and further messing up his mop of a hair.

“That’s fine. It doesn’t hurt anymore,” Sehun reassured him, simply glad that his little lie had worked out, even if he hated lying to Jongin like this. It wasn’t the first time and probably wasn’t going to be the last one either if Sehun was so keen on hiding his feelings from his best friend.

Glancing at the clock on the bedside table, Sehun noticed that it was nearing midnight. It was probably a good idea to sleep early if they wanted to have a productive day tomorrow. Following that plan, Sehun slid off the bed only to find Jongin’s hand wrapped around his wrist.

“You're not gonna sleep with me?”

Everything came to a halt. Sehun’s breathing, his heartbeat, even the clock on the table felt like it had stopped all of a sudden.

“In…one bed?”

That must have been the stupidest question in the universe, but Sehun was so confused by Jongin’s sudden question that his brain wasn’t functioning properly.

“Of course. Where else?”

It wasn’t fair how many times Sehun had to remind himself that they were just friends and Jongin just happened to be on the clingy side. It wasn’t fair how many times Jongin made Sehun feel like it was mutual. It wasn't fair that the truth was just one question away and Sehun was too much of a coward to ask.

“Hey, Jongin.” Sehun sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to work past the heavy lump in his throat. It wasn’t easy, but the previous kiss had given him some courage. “Do you have someone you like?”

“I don’t know, not really. Why are you asking?”

The fact that Jongin’s reply was instant only increased the disappointment that washed over Sehun in one massive wave.

“Nothing. I just thought they wouldn’t like it if you slept with other people.”

There was a shift in Jongin’s expression, a shift that Sehun found hard to describe. He couldn’t tell what was on his friend’s mind.

“But you’re not just anyone. You’re…you. You’re Sehun,” Jongin replied with his eyebrows furrowed deeply. “We used to have sleepovers all the time, but you’ve been keeping your distance lately. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

There it was. The question that Sehun feared so much.

Unable to answer it, he shifted his eyes away, pulling his hand away from Jongin as well. Hiding in his shell would only raise more questions, but Sehun wasn’t ready to come clean.

“Maybe you have someone you like… Is that it? Is that why you’re so cold with me lately?” Jongin’s voice sounded a little broken and Sehun was slowly getting crushed by the guilt and many more emotions that he couldn’t quite control at the moment.

“Jongin, please—”

But Jongin wasn’t listening. He grabbed Sehun’s shoulder and turned him around to lock their eyes, remaining serious for another few seconds before his gaze softened.

“Let’s make a deal,” Jongin spoke up, keeping both of his hands on Sehun’s wide frame to keep him in place. “The New Year. You’re gonna tell me the truth about you when midnight strikes. Okay?”

For some reason, it felt like he was making a deal with the devil himself.

“Alright, fine.”

At least Sehun had some time to prepare himself for it.

They didn’t end up sleeping together that night. Jongin had decided to give Sehun some space and Sehun was rather grateful for that because he needed to come up with a way to reveal his secret so that it wouldn’t scare Jongin away immediately. Despite all the signs that hinted at this love being one-sided, Sehun still had a tiny bit of hope. But more than that, he was preparing himself for heartbreak.

Sleep didn’t come easy to him, leaving him more exhausted than usual. If Jongin noticed that when they were having breakfast — cheap cereal with milk —, he didn’t comment on it. In general, compared to yesterday’s clinginess, Jongin was like a whole new person today. Sehun was getting worried, but at the same time, he knew that he was to blame for it.

It was the last day before Christmas and they had agreed to split up for the day because they still needed to get presents for each other. Sehun already had some ideas on what to get Jongin, but he didn’t know what to expect from the other in return. Especially since their relationship had turned a bit sour.

“Are we doing anything else today?” Sehun asked when he was done with his breakfast, getting up to put the bowl in the sink.

Jongin looked up from his unfinished bowl and shrugged his shoulders. The indifference radiating off him was practically making Sehun’s skin crawl.

“Just getting presents. You’ll probably benefit from spending some time away from me, too.”

Biting back his desire to argue about that, Sehun washed his bowl in silence before turning to face his best friend.

“What about the presents for your parents? I thought you wanted to pick them out together because you didn’t know what to get them.”

“I decided against that.”

Guilt rushed to Sehun’s veins immediately as the first thought that came to him was that this was his fault. His behavior had to be the reason behind Jongin’s sudden shift.

“Why?”

A sharp sound of the spoon hitting the bowl echoed in the kitchen as Jongin stood up to clean up after himself. “Because they don’t even accept me. Why should I worry about them?”

Sehun couldn’t argue with that. Ever since Jongin had turned eighteen and was able to work for his own survival, his parents had disappeared from his life completely. They ignored Jongin’s attempts to contact them, never wrote any letters and never came back to see how their son was doing.

Seven years had passed since then and even though Jongin was devastated at first, he had slowly come to accept the reality. Sehun helped him through it all—watched his nervous breakdowns, rubbed Jongin’s back when the other needed to cry his eyes out and, most importantly, brought him to visit Sehun’s parents when Jongin missed home-cooked meals or needed a motherly hug. Sometimes it almost felt like they shared Sehun’s parents.

Nevertheless, every single year, Jongin insisted on sending Christmas gifts to the address that his parents had left behind for whatever reason. This year would be the first one when Jongin wouldn’t bother with the task and while Sehun had encouraged him to stop doing that before, right now he felt guilty for changing Jongin’s mind. Sehun felt like he was the one who had killed the last hope that Jongin had in him.

“I’m sorry…” He mumbled under his breath, holding his head down.

What came next was definitely unexpected though.

Jongin wrapped his arms around Sehun’s body from behind, squeezing his waist tightly, but not to the point where it would hurt. Sehun soon realized that Jongin’s face was buried into his shirt right between his shoulder blades. It felt like he was shaking a little bit.

“I push myself onto people too much, don’t I, Sehun?”

“No, that’s not true,” Sehun argued, trying to think of the right words to comfort him. Reaching up to place his hands atop of Jongin’s, he let their warmth connect through their skin. “Hey, we agreed that I’d tell you what’s up with me on the New Year’s Eve, right? I just need to prepare myself for it a little, but I promise you that you have nothing to blame yourself for, Jongin.”

There was a beat of silence, followed by a little sniffle coming behind him.

“Really? It’s no biggie?”

Sehun almost wanted to laugh at Jongin’s choice of words.

“It’s no biggie, Jongin. Relax.”

Except that it was quite a big thing that could possibly change their lives.

After that small breakdown in the kitchen, Jongin had returned to normal, putting Sehun’s worries to rest.

If it was so easy for them to come back from a bad experience, then maybe Sehun was worrying too much about the confession? Maybe they would be able to stay best friends even if Jongin’s answer turned out to be negative? Sehun wasn’t sure whether he would be able to handle that himself.

Deciding not to venture into that part of his mind, Sehun focused on picking the perfect Christmas present for Jongin. Last year he had gotten him a PS4 game called Detroit: Become Human which Jongin loved so much that he had gone through the entire storyline at least ten times before he decided to put it aside. Curse the game for having like a hundred different endings.

This time, Sehun wanted to pick something a little more useful. One look at Jongin’s wardrobe was enough for Sehun to realize that Jongin, in fact, didn’t have any proper winter clothes like hats, scarves or even mittens. It was probably the reason why Jongin always had a runny nose during the colder seasons.

Christmas morning started out really weird.

First of all, Sehun woke up under two blankets instead of one like he had fallen asleep last night. Second, Jongin was nowhere to be seen. And third, Sehun's present was still the only one under the hurriedly decorated Christmas tree.

In utter confusion, Sehun even walked around the apartment in his pajamas to make sure that he wasn't back at his own place. He had considered the possibility of this whole Christmas deal with Jongin being a dream that he had just woken up from.

But it was still Jongin's apartment and the kitchen smelled like fresh coffee; quite likely because there was a mug of the dark liquid left on the counter.

Sehun took a sip of it to save his throat from drying up any further and ended up frowning at how cold it felt. Quite some time must've passed since Jongin had left.

It was probably a good idea to text him and ask him about his whereabouts.

However, just when Sehun found his phone under his pillow, he heard the front door opening, soon followed by the sound of Jongin's laughter and quiet 'stop its'.

“Jongin, what the—” He paused after rounding the corner and blinked at the fluff in Jongin's arms. It was trying to lick Jongin's face.

“Oh, Sehunnie, you're awake already,” Jongin sounded like he was out of breath. “Damn it, and here I thought I could surprise you.”

There was a little white puppy sitting comfortably in Jongin's embrace. Sehun had no idea where it came from or why, so he was just staring as Jongin put the little puppy on the floor and soon it started sniffing the carpet before moving onto Sehun's slippers and his feet. Its nose kind of tickled, but Sehun's attention was elsewhere.

“Oh, I'm surprised, alright. What's this?”

“Your present.”

Sehun hiccuped.

“My—what.”

“Your Christmas present,” Jongin repeated casually while taking off his shoes. “His name is Vivi, but they said you're welcome to change it to something else. He's so young, he doesn't quite respond to his name just yet.”

“Wait.” Leaning down to pick the puppy up, Sehun inspected the little furball for a moment before stepping closer to Jongin who had just shrugged out of his coat. “There's no way I can take care of a dog, Jongin—I barely have time for myself! You know that.”

“That's fine. I'll help you,” Jongin reassured him. “It can be our dog.”

It was almost funny how Sehun was always thinking carefully about every sensitive piece of news before telling Jongin while the other was just dropping bombs like that without any sort of a warning. While Sehun stood there, completely in a daze, with a dog trying to escape and explore on its own, Jongin had wandered into the living room and picked up the present that was wrapped carefully for him.

By the time Sehun snapped out of it and wordlessly followed Jongin into the living room, his best friend already had the bright red scarf wrapped around his neck, surprisingly happy with it. Sehun had previously assumed that his best friend hated such things and would end up tossing the scarf somewhere into the depths of his closet, but that didn't seem to be the case at all.

“This is for me, right?” Jongin asked when Sehun settled down on the floor beside him. "I can't believe you're worrying about my health this much.”

The puppy soon hopped off Sehun's lap and started bumping its tiny nose against the baubles that were hanging on the lowest branches. Sehun, on the other hand, was still unable to believe his ears or Jongin's choice of a present, but he followed the dog with his eyes, wondering what had compelled Jongin to get a pet—and not just for him, but for the both of them.

“Aren't you worried that we won't be able to take care of him well?” Sehun's voice was concerned.

“I'm not,” Jongin shook his head before proceeding to wrap the scarf around Sehun's neck as well, so they ended up being tied together with it. “I had a dog when I was younger. And you're great at taking care of me. You'll be even better at taking care of a puppy, Sehunnie. Merry Christmas.”

Sehun looked at the scarf between them in defeat.

“Merry Christmas, Jongin. And thank you.”

A snicker escaped Sehun's lips when he reached out to pet Vivi and the dog licked his fingers.

Perhaps this wasn't so bad. Sehun didn't even realize when he ended up comfortably resting his shoulder against Jongin's once again.

“Thank _you_ ,” Jongin responded after a while, a huge smile plastered on his own face as he swayed from one side to another.

This time with hot cocoa and marshmallows floating in their mugs, Jongin and Sehun had settled on the couch to watch whatever was on the TV. Vivi had found a comfortable place next to Sehun's lap and Jongin was already beginning to complain that their 'son' had a preference. Sehun also found out that Jongin had his eyes on Vivi's mother who had given birth to five healthy pups for a long time. It only meant that the puppy wasn't a rash decision like most of Jongin's decisions tended to be, but something he thought about thoroughly.

The movie on the TV ended up being a movie they had already seen last year, so neither of them was really watching it with great concentration. Jongin kept trying to drown his marshmallows in cocoa with his finger while Sehun glanced at him from time to time to see whether he would succeed. A smile graced his features when Jongin finally gave up on it and took a huge sip of his drink.

“Are your parents upset that you didn't come for Christmas this year?” Jongin asked when the silence between them had stretched for too long.

“Not really,” Sehun shook his head, keeping his eyes on the TV. “I told my mom that I'm spending Christmas with you and she seemed satisfied with that.”

“Does she know that you're gay?”

That question had caught Sehun by surprise. He ended up nearly spilling his cocoa all over himself.

“What—”

“You haven't told her yet?”

“Of course I ha—” Sehun froze all of a sudden, realization hitting him like a bolt of electricity.

That's why she seemed so happy when Sehun told her that he would be spending Christmas with Jongin instead of a girlfriend or something. She had assumed what Jongin was supposed to figure out a long time ago (don't ask how).

“Oh my god.”

“What's wrong?” Jongin raised a brow in confusion.

Before Sehun could answer the question, his phone vibrated beside him. He reached for it, glancing at the message briefly before tossing it aside like he had spilled boiling water all over himself, further enhancing Jongin's puzzlement.

“The heck,” Jongin cursed before attempting to reach for Sehun's phone. Sehun tried to smack his hand away, but Jongin still managed to snatch it away and, suddenly, Sehun wanted the ground to swallow him up.

He sat there quietly and watched Jongin read his mother's message in horror.

_Did you confess yet?_

Jongin looked up at him, probably waiting for some sort of an explanation, and Sehun's defenses were slowly falling apart until there was nothing left, just him and his feelings. Feelings that he had been hiding from Jongin for so long.

“Okay,” he heaved a sigh and reached over to put both of their mugs down, so he could hold onto Jongin's hands for some sort of comfort. “I do have someone I like.”

Sadness flashed across Jongin's face, but Sehun refused to pay attention to it. It was easier to focus somewhere on his neck or chest—anywhere where he could avoid Jongin's eyes.

“I know I always seem fearless to you, but there's a bunch of things I'm scared of, Jongin. Losing you has always been something I've been terribly, terribly scared of. But not because I might find a soulmate and end up not having time for you anymore like you've guessed. I'm scared because I came to realize that you are my soulmate and I'm scared because I might not be yours.”

Now that the cat was out of the bag, Sehun's chest felt a little lighter, but at the same time, anxiety was already starting to eat away at him. When he finally looked up to see Jongin's expression, the other looked like he was deep in thought.

“How long have you kept this away from me?” Jongin asked quietly when the cogs in his brain seemed to have clicked into their places.

“Uh, a little over a year? Maybe?”

“Holy shit, Sehun.”

“What?” He whined, unable to stand the suspense anymore.

“I can't believe it,” Jongin laughed, the mere sound of it taking a whole load off Sehun's chest in an instant. “When you first told me that you were into boys, that had stirred something in me and I started crushing on you. But before those feelings could get anywhere, I convinced myself that you weren't desperate to the point where you'd just end up dating your best friend. I thought you wanted something more, someone new.”

“You're kidding me,” Sehun shook his head.

Life had one too many surprises for him already, something had to be too good to be true.

“But wait. That was a while ago.”

“Yeah,” Jongin slumped his shoulders with a sigh. “I moved on since then. So hearing you say this now... It's kinda weird.”

And hope was shattered as soon as it had built up.

Sehun had practiced this many times, had prepared himself for the rejection, but he had never expected this. It hurt a lot more than he could ever imagine, but at the same time, it was weirdly easy to keep up a straight face, not giving away his pain.

“But I can promise you that we're still gonna be best friends. You won't lose me over this, Sehunnie.”

“Okay, good," he said in a small voice and reached out to retrieve his phone from Jongin. “I should probably text my mom back.”

He didn't look at Jongin's face for the rest of the movie, but simply tried to keep his brain busy with something so that he wouldn't have to think about the future.

“Sehun! I thought you wouldn't come! You went home without any warning yesterday and left Vivi at my place,” Jongin pouted when he finally spotted Sehun by the entrance to the Seoul Plaza skating rink where they were supposed to meet up.

“Sorry, I needed some space,” Sehun apologized, quickly noticing that Jongin was wearing the red scarf that he had given him as a present. Pride soared inside him; a good change after all the self-pity yesterday that followed him like a cloud ever since he laid his feelings out in the open and watched Jongin walk all over them.

“Are you okay?”

“Yup, don't worry about me.”

Jongin looked like he was about to protest, but was pushed ahead by a few gossiping girls behind him and told to hurry up because they were already lining up to borrow a pair of skates for each of them, so they could join the others on the ice.

There weren't a lot of people skating and that was probably because most of them were spending time with their families on the second day of Christmas. Sehun considered going to visit his parents now that he had escaped from Jongin's apartment that felt kind of suffocating, but eventually decided against it. His heart might have shattered into quite a number of pieces, but he still wanted to hang out with his best friend.

“How's Vivi?” Sehun asked when they had just finished their first lap - Sehun had done so rather easily while Jongin was holding onto the barrier for dear life the entire time.

“Misses you,” Jongin muttered in response. “And I do too.”

“You're not allowed to say that.”

For a moment, it felt like they were back where they had first started. Young best friends, relentless banter, no secrets. But both of them knew that they would never be able to get that back.

“Look, I thought about this—”

Before Jongin could finish speaking, Sehun was already skating away from him and from the reminder of what had happened yesterday.

“I'll listen to you if you finish a lap without holding onto the barrier, Jongin!”

It took Jongin about a hundred falls and nearly sliced off fingers twice before he managed to finish the lap without toppling over. He cornered Sehun right after that, giving him no chance to escape. Sehun felt a little intimidated by the sudden stubbornness and determination.

“You fucker,” Jongin was trying to catch his breath. “If you make me chase you like this for kisses too, I might just not make it the next time.”

“What?” Sehun blinked at him.

When Jongin lifted his head to look Sehun in the eyes, there was an obvious blush covering his cheeks, but Sehun couldn't tell whether that was from the ice skating earlier or because that was some sort of embarrassment. After all, Jongin was rarely—if ever—embarrassed about anything.

“I said I wanted to kiss you,” and before Sehun could respond, Jongin's lips were on top of his for a short, but needy kiss, and Sehun felt himself melting into Jongin's arms. Even if Sehun couldn't understand Jongin's sudden change of heart, the heartbreak from yesterday was gone like it had never happened in the first place.

“Jong—” Sehun tried to speak when he was finally allowed to breathe, but Jongin just held a finger up to his lips.

“You're only allowed to nod or shake your head for this to work. Now tell me, will you be my last kiss of this decade?”

A hesitant nod.

“Will you be my first kiss of the next decade then?”

A firmer nod.

“Sehun,” Jongin breathed out slowly, looking deep into Sehun's eyes, and removed his finger from Sehun's lips. “I'm sorry about yesterday. I wasn't thinking. I thought that you only wanted to tease me. I never really moved on—I still have feelings for you. I've just... been hiding them for so long that I don't know how to be open about it anymore.”

“Well, that makes the two of us,” Sehun smiled as he wrapped his arms around Jongin's waist, completely ignoring the looks they got from other people in the skating rink.

“So can it still be the two of us in a relationship?”

“Hmm, if you catch me!”

**Author's Note:**

> Ha ha ha. Merry Chr—Happy birthday, Jongin.
> 
> (think of this fic as a word vomit rather than an actual fic. I'm not satisfied with it, I probably will never be, but I'm putting this out here as practice that people might want to read. Enjoy!)
> 
> Now a proper end note:
> 
> It's still tough to write. I feel like my words don't connect properly and the idea gets lost in the mess of irrelevant text, but I hope that you're able to gather all the fluff that I tried to convey in this story and most importantly, I hope that you've had a wonderful Christmas.
> 
> This story came to life thanks to my best friend Mon, her unwavering support and awesome butt-kicking every single time I start struggling with writing. She's my inspiration. I wouldn't even try to be a writer again without Mon by my side. Also Yara and Josi are support queens too ♥


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